Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Randomize
