So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
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