there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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