god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
