She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
I have post one night stand depression
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