oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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