You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Randomize
