You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Randomize
