This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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