I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
I pour the whiskey from now on
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Randomize
