Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize