Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize
