So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
