just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Randomize
