he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
