I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
