I'm lost and stupid without you.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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