The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
Randomize
