If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
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