loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
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