did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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