i barfeds in our rink
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
where are my eyebrows?
Randomize
