I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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