Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Randomize
