then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Randomize
