She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
