she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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