I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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