you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
