I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
He keeps bees of course he's weird
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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