woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Randomize
