I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
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