didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
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