so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
