Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
