She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Randomize
