Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
