worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
