i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
soo... how was my night?
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