Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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