Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Randomize
