so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Randomize
