i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
