is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Randomize
