Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
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