the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
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