Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
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