I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
