I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize
