Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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