come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
