I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Randomize
