my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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