Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
