she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
