thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
