i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Randomize
