Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
