im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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