Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
