Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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