if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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