One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
zippers are such a cool invention
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
